Og moving

Until now, we've kept this blog from people we know because it was a good way for us to vent about our frustrations throught ttc and pregnancy. But now the function of our blog has changed and rather than edit all of our old posts so as not to offend family, we've decided just to move. If you'd like to continue reading, please join us at belmontzoo.wordpress.com.

And thanks for providing a sounding board during a very frustrating period of my life.

Last weekend in Massachusetts.

Well we've made it to Saturday-- which means only two days left with the in- laws Because they will be in a different car on the way home. And I've got lots of last minute packing and cleaning to do, not to mention organizing and loading the truck on Sunday! So that's good. I was hoping to move right into our condo once we got to Chicago, but our tenants won't be out until Wednesday morning, so it looks like we will be staying the night at kels parents. The good news is her brother and grandma will also be there and will provide a good buffer. Thatand sveral packages from friends were mailed there so I have something to occupy our time.

I've been handling my frustration and annoyance pretty well. Although kel thinks I've been rude to her parents onmore than one occassion. The word she used was "cold." it's hard not to be when I'm this frustrated and annoyed. Yesterday, I started my morning being made fun of by kels dad for a solid 20 minutes. The subject of the jest was my 7 tattoos and my piercings (which are only in my ears these days). It made me feel like a little kid-which is one of the easiest ways to piss me off. And I guess that sums up my relationship with ger parents. Thet treat both of us like children and don't respect our autonomy and boundaries. They never ask about holiday attendance, but rather they assume we will be there. They butt their way into our business- like our budget and how we raise our daughter (who is only 11days old!). And kels mom even uses this patronizing baby-talk voice when talking to us most of the time. I find it super grating and irritating. Once we get home I'm taking a long break from them. Like several several weeks. They can visit while I'm at work. But I don't want to see them. I'm hoping our relationship won't be permanently scarred fromthe past month. But something tells me things will never be like they were before because I like them a little less now. That's why it's been so hard to be nice to them when they are annoying me and Thats sad to me.

I'm Kind of glad grampa flys in today. It will give grandma someone else to talk to. I go back and forth with how much she annoys me. I feel for her in some ways because I'm pretty sure she knows her presence is not wanted here anymore and she just wants to be helpful. However, I also find myself annoyed by the smallest things. The behavior that's bugging me most right now his her tendency to insert herself into our family decsions. It isn't even about the baby half the time, but I don't really need or want her input. These are family decisions meant for immediate family only, of which she is no longer because we have a new family unit. Kel had asked her to stay out of the baby decisions and stuff, but her mom still feels the need to know every bowel movement and how long Emmy slept. WHY? And I don't even remember what she butted into yesterday (because I'm sleep deprived) but I actually said, "that's a family decision that Kelly and I need to make." her annoyance was never foreseen. I thought kelly's dad would get on my nerves but I have a feeling he won't be nearly as bad as kels mom. It's as if her mom views herself as a third mom and needs to know every little thing. She then reports every little detail to the entire extended family. Can we say enmeshed? And, what if I wanted to make an announcement about her sleep schedule! Joking. But seriously. By her being so over the top it doesn't leave much room for the rest of us to be excited. And she tells everyone everything which leaves us nothing to talk about. I wish she would remove herself from our business a little.

At the hospital, literally 2 minutes after birth kelly's mom was on the phone bawling to everyone. First off, what if I wanted to do that? Secondly, the doctor was trying to talk to us and we couldn't even hear her because of the drama queen in the background. I hope she knows that she doesn't have an open invitation to come over whenever she wants when we get to Chicago. Thank Buddha they live an hour away (2 with traffic!!!).

In an unrelated note, Emmy slept five hours straight last night and I think she's resolved her day and night confusion. This makes both moms really happy!

The mother-in-law is annoying ne a little less the past day or so. I think it's because kel mentioned that I felt like my role was usurped both in the hospital and at home. She's backed off a bit on the baby advice and questioning. I, in turn, have been nicer to her. Thanks for the support on this issue and for letting me vent. I've felt like I have no outlet these past few days.

We are also settling in nicely with routines here. We realized yesterday that it becomes a little difficult to remember when emmy last ate/pooped/etc when you are sleep deprived. So we are going to start a simple log today, only to be used until we know her patterns and routines better. We don't believe in rigid and artificially-imposed schedules with newborns. It messes with their psychological attachment to us. So we will keep a log for a few days.

We had our first pediatrician appt yesterday and Emmy is doing really well. She peed on me at the doctors office after they weighed her and before I could get her diaper back on. It was right on my lap and I looked like I wet myself for a half hour. I'm glad it was only pee this time! We dropped down to 5lbs and 14 oz. She's SO little. In fact, her size newborn clothes fall off her. So we broke down and bought two pairs of premie pants fir when we go out in public. They are still a bit big in the waist because she's so long and skinny. We also-and I hate to say it- broke down and bought one box of premie disposae diapers. We can't wait to use our cloth diapers but they are falling off her right now and not doing their job. I find some comfort in the fact that we purchased diapers made from recycled materials.

We are looking into breastmilk donation. Our pediatrician told us that frozen breastmilk tastes funny and it's hard to keep it from getting freezer burned. She recommended we just keep a few days reserves in the fridge and told us we can refrigerate breastmilk for 7 days. Since there are two of us producing, it doesn't take long to fill up a few extra containers. So we are going to not buy the deep freezer at this point and donate our extra supply instead.

The best news of all: last night the monkey slept all night, and only woke for feedings. She latched onto Kelly well (which as been a struggle for her only with Kelly) and there were no crying jags. Hallelujah!

The good and the bad

While we were in the hospital we got a call from our lawyer with some bad news. The guy who was supposed to buy our condo pulled out a week before the sceduled closing. So, now it looks like we will be moving back to our old condo in Chicago instead of with the wife's parents in the suburbs, and we will need to refinance our place with a 30-year fixed because our balloon payment on a 7 year arm is due in April.

At first I was really upset because we were planning on staying rent-free through the winter and then buying a house next spring. Now it's not clear when we will making that purchase. And on the other hand I was relieved. I think moving in with kel's parents would have done bad things to our marriage. Her mom has been at our place since august 2nd, waiting for the baby and I kind of want to shoot myself. I hate being told what to do, even if the person thinks it's helpful (" go take a nap.") and I don't want any more advice about our unique breastfeeding situation (we are both doing it), I met with a lactation consultant already. Mostly I just feel like she is hovering ALL THE TIME. She was at the birth too and at times I felt invisible in the room. I felt like she usurped my role a bit in the whole process and that she was overly dramatic and shifting attention from where it should be: on our family and our daughter's birth. I'm still pretty upset about what happened there. One thing is for sure: at the next birth, it's just me and my wife.

There's no way I could have lived with her for six additional weeks before they leave for Florida. I need my family to have some space to be a family! So I have 9 more days I have to put up with it. And on Wednesday it will be worse because my father-in-law will be flying in and staying for 5 days before the big move back. I may finish off what remains if the liquor from our wedding 2 1/2 years ago!

I'm becoming nocturnal...although my body is fighting it! My dear daughter has her nights and days all mixed up. Hopefully the problem will correct itself within the next few weeks. She can easily sleep in 4 hour chunks during the day, but at night it's about 30-40 minutes at a time. And she refuses to sleep on her back in her crib. She prefers on her side on mamas chest. She also eats a ton! She's on the boob for an hour at a time most sessions. But she can go four hours in between feedings occassionally throughout the day.

The wife and I are learning a lot about emmy's piccadillos and also...we are learning just how little sleep is needed to function. They weren't kidding when they said we would be sleep-deprived. I knew it would be bad. But I don't think I was prepared for this magnitude of fatigue. I can't wait till she sleeps during the night!

Welcome to the outside world...

Emilia Kate ("Emmy"), who was born this afternoon weighing 6 lbs 5 oz, 19 1/2 inches long, with a full head of golden hair! Labor lasted 24 hours. Wife got an epidural at hour 15, but it wasn't placed properly and offered no relief. The wife had her epidural replaced at hour 23. At that point she was only dilated 4cm. So they started pitocin. 1 pain-free hour later she was fully dilated and you crowning. We were in shock. I thought we were in for a long evening. I was about ready to take a nap when our OB announced it was showtime (and as a side note, how awesome that OUR actual OB happened to be on the floor this week!!). Literally 3 pushes and she was out. We all balled for what seemed like ten seconds but was actually ten minutes. And an hour later, she breastfed for 45 minutes from me, draining me entirely! Kel doesn't quite have milk yet. And due to an extensive surgery she had 17 years ago, we aren't sure she will be ae to). But we are trying. And that is the story of our daughter's birth.

Goodnight. I'm exhausted.

In labor

Started having contractions again yesterday at 2am. They were painful this time and close together. Yesterday afternoon we became a little concerned because our normally squirmy baby was moving a lot less than normal. Called our doc, who said to head to the hospital to get checked. Spent four hours in triage and learned the following: still only 1 cm dilated but 75% effaced, having strong and consistent contractions, amnioitc fluid was a little low. So they recommended an induction to decrease the chances of fetal distress during delivery and c-section. And that's how we found ourselves in labor and delivery last night. We are now 3cm dilated and 90% effaced and the wife is getting an epidural as we speak. She really wanted to do it naturally and I think she's dissappointed that she wasn't able to reasonably do so. But I'm so proud of her. She's doing great. We will hopefully be meeting the bean today!

tricky uterus...I hate you.

These last few days have really sucked. The wife started having "non-painful" contractions on Monday, and by Tuesday evening they were 5-7 minutes apart, so we called the doctor, described them, told her they were close but not really painful. She said to go ahead and go to the hospital. We got there, they monitored everything and checked the wife's cervix. She was only 1 cm dilated and just starting to efface. They told us the contractions weren't strong enough for any significant cervical change, sent us home, and told us to come back when they are "very painful." She had consistent contractions yesterday morning, which began to fade in the afternoon. Has had a total of maybe 5 "slightly painful" contractions in the last 24 hours and now is not having any.

So we went from being in early labor to not in labor at all. Thanks for making up your mind uterus. When this is all over, you are fired!

It feels like a cruel joke...just when we got our hopes up! Oh well, in two weeks we will get to meet her because that is when our induction is scheduled. Hope she comes before it though.

Where things stand

We are at 37 1/2 weeks. The wife is already dilated at least 1cm (on Friday) and she has had an upset stomach the last 24 hours. She also has been having hot flashes and stomach cramps. She started having contractions today. 30 minutes apart right now, so still a ways off, but we are progressing! The mother-in-law (obgyn nurse) is leaving Chicago tomorrow because she thinks it will be soon. So does our doc. Holy hell!

9:45 pm update: contractions averaging 20 minutes apart and a bit stronger. We are progressing!

37 weeks today

Starting to efface and 1cm dilated!

Come on out baby!

Down down down

Drops the baby! The wife belly is hanging lower these last few days and there's a lot more pelvic pressure. Looks like the baby has dropped... Which means about 2-4 wks to go...right on schedule! I love punctuality!

In other news, two weeks until my mother-in-law arrives for her 3-week stay, 5 weeks until we move back to Chicagoland and move in with said mother-in-law, and 11 weeks until the in-laws make there way to Florida for the winter, leaving us with their house rent-free for another 6 months. We are lucky to have such a generous family.

And on an entirely different note, our dog Bailey is recovering from a mass removal surgery in his nether- regions. Poor guy. It hurts for him to walk, pee, stand for too long, and he has to wear the cone of shame until he stops bugging it (which probably means until it's fully healed). He did however enjoy his chicken dinner. It may be hard to get him to eat dog food again!

2 oz a day...

that is how much i'm collecting right now...which is quite a jump from two weeks ago when i was collecting a mere drop or two on each side! so things are going great...sore cracked nipples and all. Lanolin is my new best friend. I never fully realized how much work breastfeeding is. I feel like all I do is pump! When this milk monster arrives I will probably feel like I'm always shirtless. Pumping at work, is going okay...it's not particularly easy to find the time to do it every 2-3 hours...and I am sometimes challenged in terms of space to do it in (especially at a state hospital where nobody has their own office and the bathrooms are so gross I don't want to even pee in them)... but it isn't impossible.

In terms of baby, we had our 36 week ultrasound this morning (3 days early)...she is measuring 5 lbs 6 oz, in the 23rd percentile...so she is on the smaller side of normal, which might make labor much easier for the wife...so I consider that a win...especially because our doctor says there isn't anything to be concerned about at this weight. We saw her sucking during the ultrasound...it was super cute...she's practicing for her big day! We also saw the lungs going, so they are practicing as well...and she had a nice big belly, full of food...so that is great!

We are due exactly one month from today, and since we are moving 10 days later, our doctor has advised us to induce on her due-date if she doesn't come early. They want her at least a week old before the move...so it looks like we are having a baby in THE NEXT MONTH!!! Holy Cannoli. That's crazy! I would prefer that she stay in for another 2 1/2 weeks (that's how much I have left at work)...and then we are set!

I can't wait to see what she looks like and to see what color her hair is (yes...they saw hair on the ultrasound...how crazy is that?!!!)...

Third day

I have milk. Not much (yet). Every day there is more and more. The last pumping session of my first day it was barely a drop of clear on each side. Today, I sm collecting maybe a teaspoon from each and the color has changed to white. It's just matter of time before I begin to let down and substantially produce. Not confident enough yet to declare induced lactation success, but at this point I'm optimistic. The 2am wakeups for pumping may pay off afterall. Those of you who have enduced lactation, how long did it take until you finally let down and were able to get a substantial amount (maybe 3 oz or more)?

Place to live...FOUND

So this morning I got a call from my wife...and for context, we've really been stressing out about the living arrangments when we move back to Chicago because we can't see the place before renting (since we won't be able to get out there due to a very pregnant wife)...and because we are going to be living very frugally next year on my post-doc salary.

It turns out, her parents, who own a two bedroom in the suburbs have decided to go down to their place in Florida starting in October this year and they are staying there until April (with a few weekend visits to see their grandbaby of course)! And they have offered us the use of their house until they get back RENT-FREE AND UTILITIES-FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a major relief. Now the wife does not have to find a job so soon and leave the care of our new infant in the hands of strangers (which there is nothing wrong with...no judgment...it's just, what mother wouldn't prefer to be with her baby for longer than most maternity leaves allow?) and can be at home with the baby during the week until she is about 7 months old. And, the wife can still work for the catering company we used to work for on the weekends to earn a little extra cash for the savings account!

This really is a huge blessing. I'm not really sure how we are going to pay back the in-laws. Perhaps in 10 years we can cover the cost of a 50th anniversary party? That might do it. :)

I'm so happy right now....huge stressor was just removed.

Whirlwind

Ladies and gentlemen, we are moving back to CHICAGO!!!! I got the job!!!!
So with a very young infant, we will be making the trek back to the windy city the beginning of September. I'm totally excited and totally nervous. The wife has to look for a new job, we spent almost all of our savings trying to get pregnant, and I will be making a post-doc salary. But we will be home, supported by our family and friends. And you can't really put a price on that. So now in addition to preparing for baby, I have to pack all uneeded stuff, find a place to live, and all those details.

We live a crazy little life!

Crazy week!

So many things are happening this week, I feel overwhelmed. For starters, I was notified yesterday that I'll be receiving a research award at an international conference I am presenting at in 3 weeks. That was pretty cool to hear...and even better...they are paying for my conference fees and hotel! Nice!

Later yesterday evening, we got a call from our realtor and somebody made an offer on our Condo back home. So now we are counter-offering, and hope to settle only a few grand under our asking price (which was aggressively priced to begin with)...so that is really good news if it all works out!

And I wish I could add my news about the job I am waiting to hear from...but alas...I cannot. I know they met yesterday to discuss the applicants. I know it is between me and one other applicant. I have no idea when I will find out. I've been expecting a call forever now...and it seems like the deadline just kept being pushed back for various reasons. But my best friend (who currently works there) assures me that I should know soon. Which is good...I feel like I've been watching the phone and that is not so good.

No news about the baby really. The wife does have to go in for a third blood transfusion this saturday. She's just not able to keep up with the blood demands from vampire baby. But other than that everything is fine...

It's been a pretty nutsy week so far. I hope it gets even nutsier...like today...comeon major hospital in Chicago...call me already!

30 work days left.

After today, the workday count is down to 30. Of course, I don't work on Fridays anymore (I take my "research hours.")...so it means more than 6 weeks...about 8 to be exact. But man, it feels good to say I only have 30 more days until I can start putting the PhD after my name and until I can earn a little more money (sort of...I have one more year of slave-labor until I'm "licensed."--Ohh the hoops I have to jump through! So one more year of poverty!). And it will mean I am officially done with graduate school. I just have to have my final post-defense draft approved by my dissertation chair, and the cord will be cut.

And in about 8 weeks another cord is going to be cut...great timing :)

Guilty little secret

For mothers' day this year, as a sort of pre-motherhood treat, I ordered two necklaces inscribed with huckleberry's name and what we hope to be her birthstone (we are due mid-august so it felt fairly safe). We just got the necklaces last week, and both of us have been wearing them to work ever since! It feels so dangerous! Probably a dozen colleagues have asked about her name, not knowing that all the while it was written right in front of their noses! Such a fun game. It's the little things that amuse me.

Too soon for nesting?

While I really feel that I have been pretty steadily nesting since at least the 20th week of pregnancy, it has really taken to a new level lately. Ever since entering the third trimester and having the constant reminder that we are having a baby (as evidenced by the wife's rapidly growing belly), I feel this sense of anxiety all of a sudden and I feel compelled to do baby-related stuff to prepare for upcoming motherhood. It isn't so much anxiety about being good parents (although I do feel that periodically when I am impatient with our dog or drivers on the road...and also at other times). It isn't necessarily worry about what might happen at delivery/birth or later in our daughter's life (like hydrocephalous, or distress during delivery, or autism, or bipolar when she's in her 20's, or being hit by a car when she learns to drive...etc). It isn't so much emotional and personal preparedness concerns. I feel emotionally pretty prepared and ready to meet our daughter.

It's physical for sure. The funny thing, is that we have so much stuff for her and have almost everything we might need for the first few years of life (save for laundry detergent and a few miscellaneous things). So, I guess it isn't even having all the stuff we need. It's that it feels like there is so much left to do.

I made a list of the things left to do and assigned them to our remaining weekends before she's born (about 8-11 we hope). And the list isn't even that long. We've set up the room and washed all of her 0-6 month clothing and linens. We've organized, organized, and done more organizing.

But we do have to figure out how to install the car seat, attend birthing classes, finish off our cloth diaper collection and wash them several times, pack a "go-bag" for the hospital, sterilize breast-milk containers for when I start pumping in less-than-a-month, desensitize the dog to all of her toys and equipment, buy breastfeeding bras...blah blah blah.

It isn't that much and yet it feels overwhelming. I think the bigger question that makes me more and more anxious and feeds into this sense of dread is whether or not we are moving (which will make the to-do list much greater...packing boxes...ugh)...which I have yet to find out. I still haven't heard from fancy-but-underpaid job in Chicago. I know too much about the whole process for sure...which doesn't help me deal with it. For example...I know that there is one applicant left and she's interviewing next Monday. So I know I won't know about the job until then...but dammit...I want to know so I can start packing and getting rid of stuff that we won't have room for if we have to move back into our 1-bedroom condo.

This next few weeks may require extra meditation...cause the anxiety. Oy. And now that I've written this, which was somewhat cathartic...I am starting to worry a little more about being a good parent and all that can happen to her in life. Sometimes I wish for the days where we were ignorant about harmful things....but then again...ignorance is not so bliss either.

The Baby-moon

The wife and I decided several months ago that we would take one last vacation, with just the two of us (in outside-of-the-womb life that is) before baby-girl is born. So...I just happened to get a reservation at an awesome little cabin that is usually sold out for years ahead of time on Cape Cod, and we enjoyed 3 lovely nights (that also coincided with Memorial Day Wknd and the Wife's 36th birthday) on the beach. Literally, our cabin was beachfront...and waves may have hit the house a few times during high tide. It was so so so great. And realistically, in about 9 weeks or so, we won't be enjoying wknds away without children very often. So it was needed.

the funny thing is, the whole time we were there, while I was thinking about how nice it was to be just the two of us, I was also fantasizing about bringing baby-girl to the beach and watching her toddle around and I was thinking about how our accomodations would be perfect for a couple and a baby....And I bought a few souvenirs for someone who has yet to be born (although, how can you pass up a 1973 edition of "Peanuts" dictionary? Really.)...

Let's hope that I can actually bring baby-girl to the beach and that there won't be a decade-long ban on swimming in ocean water because of the BP--f-up. And on that note, I think all you readers should boycott BP and spread the word. There has to be some way of holding them accountable for their lack of action. Maybe a grass-roots movement is just the thing...

Anyhoo.

It was a beautiful wknd...but I'm so ready for this parenting thing. And she's coming in 9-12 weeks!

Vampire Baby Strikes Again

The wife had her check-up hematology appointment today to monitor her hemoglobin and hematocrit (things that make up blood...for the most part) levels. And, suprise suprise...her levels have dropped down to "critically low" once again. So that means the last blood transfusion lasted all of 1 1/2 to 2 weeks. Awesome. She is having a second transfusion tomorrow. This time they are giving her two pints instead of 1, so hopefully this time it lasts at least a month, preferably longer. She most definitely will need to have a transfusion after delivering the little one...but this is getting pretty inconvenient. She's been trying to save up what few sick days she has left for the days immediately preceding huckleberry's birth (like after contractions start...which could quite feasibly go on for a week or more and she only has 3 sick days left)...but these damned transfusions mean she has to take 5-6 hours off of work and sit in a chair for that amount of time...bored out of her gourd while blood is pumped into her. Poor thing. She's been feeling very dizzy and nauseous and tired too.

We were just saying how easy this pregnancy has felt both for her and me...but we may have spoke too soon.

Good thing we love this little vampire more than we thought we could ever love anything...cause she's sure causing some trouble!

28th week and 3rd trimester

we hit 27 weeks yesterday, which means that today we started the third trimester! I feel like we've been nesting since we found out we were pregnant, but it really kicked into high speed this week! After a ginormous baby shower and receiving tubs of hand-me-downs, we were faced with a lot of decisions about what to keep and what to take back. So the week was spent sorting clothes and inventorying supplies... Which made the nesting seem all the more real. She's going to be with us in about 10-13 weeks!

Whirlwind Trip

Last Tuesday at 11:55 pm, the wife and I loaded up the car and drove 15 hours straight through to Chicago. We got there around 2 or 3 pm Chicago time...I went to bed early Wednesday...and Thursday afternoon I defended my dissertation. It was a pretty intense experience...they grilled me for about 2 hours...and I am so glad that I NEVER have to do that again! So that evening we drove back into the city (my grad school is about 75 miles outside of Chicago)...and saw some old friends who are due at the same time as us with their second child...who is a boy. There first child was a girl...so we inherited a 20 gallon tub filled with barely used and really nice (some of it was designer and independent labels that we could probably never afford...and probably never would buy even if we could afford it) stuff. So needless to say, our baby is pretty set. And that was before the baby shower! On Sunday we had a baby shower with about 30 attendees...and we got a ton more clothing...some of which will have to go back because as much as I'd like to, I just can't justify 35 onesies of the same size. Our friends and family were VERY generous...and we are grateful for them.

Between the dissertation defense and the baby shower, I also had a major interview at a very good hospital for an 80% clinical/20% research post-doctoral fellowship. I just found out that I am their lead candidate so far...with only one more to interview, so fingers crossed. We also saw a bunch of friends to celebrate the defense and becoming a doctor, and we went and saw some of the wife's old college friends.

We left at 3am on Monday. And it took us 16 1/2 hours to get home due to construction traffic. Ugh. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks.

Now it's time to write thank you's and make returns. My goal is to be done with both of those things (until the next shower) by the weekend. I also need to make some dissertation revisions before submitting to the graduate school. Wish me luck!

Not so bad...

So the wife had the blood transfusion on Friday. It was not so bad...just boring. It took 3 hours. Good thing I had a lot of preparation for my upcoming dissertation defense to do as we sat there waiting for blood to pump its way into her. She has a bit more energy and needs fewer naps now. She also is suddenly much hungrier, which is good because she only gained 2 lbs in the last month and is supposed to be gaining a pound a week. At the moment we are at the very minimum of what the doctor wants her to have gained. Eleven pounds so far, with only 14 weeks to go. If she gains a pound a week, we will just barely make that 25-35 lbs target. Good thing we are about to head home for a bit to defend my dissertation, go to a job interview (me), and have our first ginormous baby shower at her mother's house. I'm sure we'll be eating a lot of good food during our stay...that oughtta fatten up baby girl a bit.

Blood

Apparently the wife is not creating enough of it. Her hemoglobin and hematocrit are both "critically low," which we knew would be a possibility because she has a blood disorder, called thalessemia minor. So, by the end of the week, she is supposed to get a blood transfusion. That's fun. The good news is that it is 2010 and not 1980 and blood is a highly regulated substance these days. Also, nobody since the 1980's, before we fully knew about Hepatitis C and HIV, has contracted these two diseases from blood transfusions at the hospital where she will be receiving hers. So that's good news. But I think she is a little freaked out about it all. And I don't have much feeling about it either way. Whatever is in the best interest of the baby...(plus a blood transfusion is really no big deal unless it's an emergency transfusion and you have a rare blood type or something)...

So there you have it. Need more blood!

Scene from aliens.

I've been feeling baby girl kick for about a month now, but nothing like last night! She kicked so hard it moved my hand! It is like a scene from the movie, alien. You can SEE something moving around in there. And the wife, albeit still tiny everywhere else is so big in front! She looks like ET. It's going by fast! 16 weeks till our due date. Well past halfway. In fact, we are 3/5 the way through! Holy hell! I can't wait till august!

catastrophe over (almost)

This weekend was hellacious! Torture with a capital T. My advisor has been a huge pain in my ass for months now. This weekend he decided that he wanted me to completely restructure the discussion section of my paper. I was supposed to have mailed a copy of the pre-defense draft to the graduate school on Monday in order to defend in 3 1/2 weeks. So monday rolls around, after me spending the entire weekend chipping away at stylistic changes (which means bullshit, basically) and I am not entirely sure if the defense is happening or not. He alluded to the idea of changing the defense date if I don't satisfy his need for an organizational change of the draft. It was more than fine before. Finally at 4pm on Monday he called and said we were okay to go to defense....so I had to haul ass to print up 6 copies of this 200-page monstrosity of a document and I ended up shipping it overnight this morning. $100 later...I'm still silently fuming. I hate him. But at least I'm defending. Then he has no more power over me. Oh buddha will that feel good!

On a different note, we ended up at the hematologist's office on Monday afternoon because the wife almost fainted in the shower that morning. She has thalassemia minor...a blood disorder involving inefficient binding of iron in red-blood cells. So she looks anemic all of the time. Well, now that baby is taking all her iron and red blood cells, for that matter, the wife is feeling constantly dizzy and nauseous. We go back in 2 weeks for follow-up blood-work. If her levels haven't improved she will be getting a blood transfusion (one now and probably one during labor). Good times hey?

ugh...

It's been a bit of a dissertation nightmare around our house lately. My defense is scheduled for 3 weeks and 6 days from now. I have to have drafts to all committee members and the graduate school in 6 days. I live 1000 miles away from my graduate school (because I'm on internship/residency) so I have to essentially mail them by Monday. My advisor is an asshole and I feel like he is trying to dangle his power over me for as long as he can by picking at each little thing. And he is being somewhat snippy and mean about things too. One of his most recent comments about ONE SENTENCE in the entire discussion of the paper, was that it sounded like a high-schooler wrote it. Gee, thanks Asshole. And he recently commented that he feels like I am just throwing in the towell and saying good enough.

This is actually true. I am saying good enough...because it's GOOD ENOUGH!!!!

His main criticisms are that the discussion is somewhat repetitive and redundant in some areas and he would like me to speculate more. I have news for him: 200 page documents that discuss all aspects of a scientific study ARE redundant and repetitive sometimes. It's not a literary piece. It's a scientific paper. There is a certain way to write a scientific paper and that methodical nature of the paper can be boring at times. SORRY!!!!

Although, really I'm not. I really think it's bullshit. It doesn't have to be perfect before going to the defense. So let us just see what other committee members think. Perhaps they think its fine (actually I know two of them do, because they've already said so).

Also, if I may vent, it is not a publication. It is a nightmare of a document that I have been working on for over 2 years now. There are a lot of mundane results to be discuss. If people can read English, they should be able to ascertain for themselves that some of the results are a "Really big deal." To assert this over and over is an opinion, first of all, and unecessary.

Anyhoo. I've now spent about 25 hours this week revising bullshit to make him happy...this is on top of the 45 hours I worked at my real job.

only 3 weeks 6 days to go...only 3 weeks 6 days to go....

this is my new mantra.

I FELT IT! I FELT IT!! I FELT BABY GIRL!!!!

The wife has been feeling the baby for about a month and this week she has felt the baby kick from the outside too. Until tonight, I spent countless hours with my hands on my wife's belly trying to catch baby girl doing a cartwheel...and she has refused to grace me with her presence. But tonight, I felt the baby kick so hard that my hand moved!!!! It was so great. I was feeling a little left out these past few weeks!

She's really in there!!!!!

Holy cannoli!!!!

It's a GIRL!!!!

Ultrasound tech said she's never seen a clearer shot!!!!!

Eighteen hours to go!

I'm going nuts here!!!! I've been thinking it's a girl for the past eight weeks, but now I'm not so sure. We will find out really soon!!!!

Hamburger or Hot dog?

This is what I've been thinking about all day. It's hard to concentrate on ANYTHING other than the biological sex of our baby...hamburger or hot dog? My mother-in-law uses the food images as a way of describing the privates of baby-to-be.

We've been thinking lately that it's definitely a hamburger (girl)...only because it was hinted at by our ultrasound tech 6 weeks ago...and we've been thinking it ever since...even calling her (maybe) by name...so if it's a hot dog (boy)...we will be shocked...but I'm sure we'll get over it!

I have 3 different fabrics sitting on my dining-room table taunting me because I don't know if I can make cute dresses or cute button-down shirts.

Only 8 more days...and I will be a sewing fool!

HAMBURGER OR HOT DOG??????!!!!!!

We've made a TERRIBLE mistake...

Last night, because we were bored, and we had free tickets, and the show was 5 minutes from our house...we went to the Carrie Under.wood concert. I knew two songs...and they were covers.

It was a good thing we went, because the wife's boss (the one who gave her tickets) was there...but it was semi-torturous...especially the opening band--which was very countryish. I should make it clear that I am a Seattle-Grunge-raised neo-hippy. So, I like grunge, good alternative, and classic rock...mostly, with a few pop-artists thrown in (read Madonna and Adam Lambert). I also like indie-folk and icelandic melodies. I don't care for Country.

The little bean, however, apparently does. It was moving up a storm in the wife's uterus during the entire show yesterday. I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't care so much for the music or lyrics...but the vibration. If this kid comes out loving country, I don't know what I'm going to do.

So.......

Operation reverse-the-country damage starts tonight...with a steady playlist of Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, The Beatles, The Who, Bon Iver, Iron and Wine, Wilco...etc. No kid of mine is going to be a country fan! :)

The suspense is killing me!!!!!

We find out if we are having a boy or girl in exactly 2 weeks, 4 days. I can't take it any longer!!! I just got some new neutral fabric and want to know if I can make it into a dress or shorts.

In other news, the wife is really looking pregnant these days...no longer just like she gained a few pounds. Baby is front and center, and she/he is causing her mommy to have some serious back pain. I like that my wife is hungry again. She wasn't very hungry the first 14 weeks....so this is nice. We bought some maternity-wear yesterday. The bella-band should still work okay for the next 3-4 weeks, and we have some clothes that will stretch with her (and are getting to the end of their regular functionality anyway)...but we are headed into spring and it might be nice to have a pair of jeans and some shirts....so we bought a few simple items. She looks so cute in them!

We also now have enough cash saved up for at least 2 months maternity leave for the wife. This has been a huge issue for us the past few months, we spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying just to get pregnant---our savings was not as we had hoped after the last round...but it's building back up and I no longer feel stressed about it. Thanks tax return!

Also, with some of the tax return, we bought some new furniture for the place that will help make it more family friendly. I found an awesome unfinished furniture store and got a floor to sealing bookshelf (to be stained a dark chocolate)...which is so much better than the little 3 shelve book cases from college that I have stacked on top of each other...that is an accident waiting to happen! And I got a DVD cabinet so that our DVD's aren't all stacked under the coffee and end tables in baskets...no more temptation there for a little one when it starts crawling...and a new entertainment unit for the TV. It's not an armoire, just a corner table, with a cabinet...and it is taller than our last one, which is good because the baby won't be able to reach the TV once it starts pulling itself up. And I got lots of furniture straps! So great! As we speak my furniture has already been stained and is in the basement awaiting a protective varnish (to be applied tonight). I am so excited to leave work and finish my project. I should post pics of the old book shelves...and the t.v. table with one door missing (because our dog went nuts over a dog on TV and ran into it at full speed when it was open, causing it to break off the unit. Good job Bailey). They were in need of replacement!

Still don't totally know what I'm doing next year...but am not stressing. I have a meeting with somebody this week to discuss possible research opportunities. I am going to also send out some emails to psych department chairs about adjunct possibilities. And at least...I have my Dissertation defense date set! That is a huge relief!

So things are good.

but they'd be so much better if I knew what we were having!!!!!

Bad timing

We went to some open houses today...which was really really dumb. We found a great house, in an area we would want to live,with really good potential and a lot of fixer-upper cosmetic projects with enough space we could stay there for a decade at least. And it was in our price range. The problem is, we still have to list and sell our condo in Chicago (which is being occupied by renters with a lease through July). We are planning to list it in April with a closing date not before august 1st (if it even sells before then) anyway because we have to sell it by April of 2011 (balloon payment due on a 7 year ARM). But we can't list it before having a chance to talk to our renters. That just isn't right. And although we could apply for a home equity loan in order to make a down payment on a house here (or could get a bridge loan), itsnot the smartest idea when I haven't solidified a job for next year and there's a baby on the way. So I guess we let the house go. And we keep renting in our very affordable apartment for now. Hopefully the condo will sell quickly after we list it. We're going to price it aggressively. So we'll see.

:(

Birthday and 14 weeks!

This is now officially the last year I can think of myself as "young," which is perfect timing really-with the kid on the way and all. We started the day with an appointment at the hematologist, to check the wife's iron and discuss possible treatment options during pregnancy. I'm really hoping there is something that can be done cause the falling asleep before dinner thing is getting old. We are in our second trimester. This should be done with very soon, but if her iron is low, maybe not.

Then, I dropped the wife back off at work and went home to read my new book, "baby bargains." I love this book. I am the quintessential do-it-yourselfer. If I can save $20 bucks, I will spend four hours of labor on something. This is how my household survived during grad school when money was non-existent. Related to baby, I updated the highchair that's been in the wife's family for 60 years with safety straps and easily cleanable cushions, made 57 bibs from spare fabric scraps lying around my house, have made probably 100 items of clothing (including sun dresses, onesies, fleece jackets, sleepers, booties, crocheted hats, a baby blanket, shorts, shirts, etc.), crocheted a zoo of stuffed animals (that were stuffed with fabric scraps)...you get the point. So I'm pretty excited to also research good deals for not-so-easily-made baby stuff.

It's a good thing I got this book when we did. I had mostly been looking at online reviews when looking at baby furniture and products, taking comments with a grain of salt since they are self-report-which only really happy people and really pissed off people take the time to do (according to psychometrics research). I thought the crib we picked out (which was on the lower-end price-wise because we are on a budget) was fine and met our needs. The authors of my new book gave it an F!!!!!! So, we reevaluated how long we expect the crib to last and realized, we really would like to keep using it for all of our children (as many as four we think) over the next decade. That said, I'm not dropping a grand on a crib. I don't need it to be fancy, just safe and durable. So we changed to a new crib today. I think we are going with ba.bi ita.lia. The one we chose can also become a toddler bed and day bed. When the kid is ready for a bigger bed we will probably be having another (we hope), so that's All we really need it for anyway.

After the crib debacle we also changed our mind about having a seperate dresser and changing table. Now we are going to get an extra wide and shorter dresser that will offer more storage and double as the changing table. We may get the dresser that matches the crib. But, for $100 less, I can get an even nicer unfinished oak or maple dresser and stain it myself! So I'm entertaining this option as well.

We also are reconsidering the glider in favor of a more old-fashioned rocker (which I can also buy unfinished and stain to match the other furniture).

SO MANY DECISIONS!!!!

Which brings me to a place where I am going to ask for some advice (I told you I could do it when needed):
for those of you with cloth diaper experience I have many questions.
Do you hose off the diapers right away or put them in a pail to be washed every other day (or every night)?
If you put them in a pail, is there a recommended type?
What are these wet pails I keep hearing about?
If you use cloth wipes as well, do you dampen them before using them?
Is the hose attachment actually helpful as a way to get rid of solids before putting them in the wash machine?
Is there any sort of special wipe warmer for cloth wipes?

Really, I need the most help with the logistics involved. I've got a good idea about cloth diapering system options and brands, but I have no clue about the peripherals.

No advice please

It's amazing how the announcement "we are pregnant" turns into an invitation for advice from all sorts of people who've not do much as spoken a sentence to you in the last decade. We went public with the pregnancy this week and I already have gotten many pieces of advice that I would never follow in a million years.

For instance, "wine during pregnancy is okay."
no, actually, it's not. I know a little something about child development, thanks.

Or, "cloth diapers aren't practical, you'll see."
maybe they aren't practical for those that don't feel as strongly about using them. But I do.

I am not so stubborn or defensive to realize that I don't know everything and might benefit from others' experience. However, I'd like the opportunity to ask for help when I need it. I am pretty good at doing that actually. At the moment I feel like I'm batting away advice (good and bad) left and right.

And I hate the expression "you'll see."
maybe I will. Maybe I won't. I'll find out soon enough. I don't need people predicting it for me.

And on this note, if anyone has a personal favorite cloth diaper brand, I'd love to hear about it and what you like about the brand. We are going to do a blend of all-in-ones and prefolds with covers. We are also thinking of doing the one-size options wherever possible. Considering duo-covers as well however.

SECOND TRIMESTER!!!

Today, is day two, of the middle of our pregnancy! Lot's of exciting things have been happening regarding the baby. KB is starting to pop out just a little bit, and her uterus is starting to make it's presence known. We went in for an ultrasound to do a nuchal screening. Baby was not cooperating...we saw the baby hiccuping (we think) and squirming around all over the place. You could see the baby's brain, and could make out the different bones in the arms and legs...two arms, two legs...so that's good!

KB thought she saw what looked like testicles on the ultrasound monitor...but it's too early for testicles to drop...so that is not what she saw. The ultrasound technician, however, stated that at this age, she usually sees a penis if one is there, and she doesn't see it. She was strongly suggesting that the baby is a girl...but wouldn't come out and say it. She said we'd know for sure at our 20 week ultrasound,so we will wait patiently (or not) to see what we are having on April 2nd!

That is not that far off at all!!!

While we were having the ultrasound, we also saw baby dancing around, doing somersaults and having a grand old time her/his legs were pretty long already as well...so that was fun.

Back at the house, it already looks like we are parents! My parents are still going crazy. They sent us a pack-n-play two days ago, and they also sent another package with baby book and scrapbooking material, a stuffed animal, and a variety of baby clothes/supplies. My mom also thinks she might be able to get a discount on a me.della double hands-free breast pump from work...so that will probably arrive shortly as well!!!

It's pretty fun around here.

And it's good to be in the second trimester, finally. I feel like we can take a deep breath and relax a little now.

Here are some pics of our product-tester/crash-test dummy and the new items:

He's not so sure about it all...

Well that was fast.

We went to a big baby supply store today to test out a few strollers we had researched. When my dad has his mind set on doing something, he has to do it immediately, and if he's buying, I'm in. So I emailed him with our selection tonight and he called three hours later with the tracking number. But that's not all. He also did some product safety research. He's cute.

So while we were there we also did our entire registry (split between two stores). How could we resist? I was fine until I got to feeding and then felt completely overwhelmed and irritated (we had already been there a while). It's been a long time since my nannying days and they've come out with a LOT of new products. I can't believe how much stuff we ended up registering for. Feels like when we got married all over again (except for the fact that all the stuff we registered for huckleberry will be used more than a lot of stuff we got for the wedding). 25 years until I can start spending my money on me again. Wow.

12 weeks and the beginning of the family war

Today we are at 12 weeks! That means only one more week left of the first trimester and only 1% chance of miscarriage from here on out. But that's not all that happened today. Today we began the war of the grandparents.

This is the first grandbaby on both sides of the family. That should be enough to explain the rest! The wife's parents told us yesterday that they wanted to take care of all of the furniture/etc. in the nursury up to a very generous limit (that will not only cover the furniture, but also the wall art, the rug, the hamper, the spare sheets, a mobile, maybe a nightlight...you name it. They are pretty excited to be grandparents.

Today, I had no patients, and "worked from home," where I spent most of my time looking up what we would need (a pretty exhaustive list) for the first year of our baby's life and pricing items that I liked. I also had a pretty lengthy conversation with my dad (an ex-colonel in the airforce)about real-estate and the growing baby. I let it slip (rather strategically) that the wife's parents were buying the nursery furniture, knowing that my dad can be somewhat competitive (hey, we need to save our money for maternity leave...so might as well milk the first grandbaby thing). A few hours after our conversation, he called me back and wanted to let me know that one of the things they want to take care of is the stroller/carseat system. Awesome. That was another one of the more major purchases. He asked me to let him know as soon as we know what one we want. This is pretty cute. You see, my dad, in his very military fashion, has difficulty expressing his feelings and his excitement about things...the only way you really know he is excited is when he pulls out his wallet. We knew my wife's parents would be excited, but my parents are often a mixed bag.

So the war has begun. I'm going to ride this out for a while. The other fun thing is that my sister is a pediatric nurse, mom is a neo-natal intensive care nurse, and mother in-law is a retired OBGYN nurse. They all love babies and are all going crazy. They also all get some pretty neat free stuff that they are stocking up on for baby huckleberry...a few less things we have to worry about!

It sounds so wrong...but I'm really loving this. It's pretty cute to see how excited they all are. Sometimes when I tell people we are pregnant and don't get the reaction I want, I know it's because it just isn't exciting to others as much as it is to us. But to our family, it's just as exciting. And that's a good feeling.

Where's the beef?

So our lovely nurse called yesterday with results from friday's bloodwork. The wife's hemoglobin was a 9 (they really like it if you stay above 10). We knew this would probably happen because she has a blood disorder called thalessemia minor, which means that her red blood cells don't bind iron well. So simply taking iron doesn't really do anything. The nurse instructed us to take iron threetimes a day, which is a lot of iron for someone who won't absorb it anyway. We are thinking that perhaps they forgot she has thalassemia and are going to call tomorrow to request an appointment with a hematologist. We are not overly concerned. Her iron has been this low even without bring pregnant and with all the production of new blood cells during the last week or so, we figured it might happen.

It sure explains why she has been overly tired for even a pregnant person and why she has been craving hamburgers and steak (we don't eat red meat more than a handful of times per year). I'm seeing a lot of hamburgers in my near future.

11 weeks and breastfeeding

We had our first official appointment at the ob's today. Boy was it long! Lots of questions about family history. And, as if being lesbian parents wasn't enough to make the ob's practice interesting, I gave her another element that stumped her. Turns out she has never had a non-gestational mother that wanted to ho on hormone therapy in order to breastfeed. I do what I can.

So she is going to get back to us on that one. We have our next appointment in two weeks in order for them to draw blood and do a risk screening for genetic problems. No amniocentesis. No invasive procedure. Just blood drawing and an ultrasound. That will mark the official end of our first trimester. I can't wait for the blissful second. I've heard it's lovely.

Rejects

Won't be working at schmancy research job in Cambridge. Apparently I don't have enough publications. Can I help it if my co-authors hold onto manuscripts for several months before turning them around-delaying my progress? And it's not like I could do it alone because it would be a political nightmare. Bastards.

On the flip side, I've had some communication with the lead researcher on a job I am built for. They are just awaiting funding. We will see!

hierarchical bullshit

It would be so great in life if people could concentrate on doing their jobs and avoid getting into ego-politics. For the most part, internship has been great. I feel like a fairly autonomous professional (which is good because people will be calling me Doctor in 6 months and I will be expected to operate independently). However, every once in a while, I am reminded that there is a political feature to every environment.

I should note, that I am not very good with politics and bullshit. I would prefer for us all to just do our jobs and focus on good quality of care, being professional equals. I don't care for this "I have an MD and therefore I am superior" crap. So, I am not particularly in-tune to these dynamics much of the time, because I don't operate in this way. I thought my inpatient rotation was fairly free of the drama as well...but oh, how it is not.

Basically, I was in an admission screening with a treatment team and the patient. I was not running the interview, but I did ask a few questions later because I didn't feel like this patient's anxiety was adequately assessed. And I was right. Turns out, she met for a very significant disorder that impacts her daily functioning. The psychiatrist in the room did not say anything to me at the time, but later, I found out that she felt I "overstepped my position," which I interpreted as more along the lines of making her feel stupid because she did not adequately assess the patient. So, it turns out this is not really about me, and more about her, as this has happened with other psychologists as well. The psychiatrist in question feels threatened by anybody who knows more than she does. I hate to break it to her, but I know quite a bit more than she does when it comes to research, therapy, and efficacy/outcome studies, because that is my training and my role in the world of mental illness. This should make for better quality of care on a multidisciplinary team, but instead, I am advised to "dumb it down," when dealing with this psychiatrist.

Bullshit.

There is my rant and rave of the day.

In other news, the wife is starting to show more and more...not to others, but to me. But it is exciting. Junior just keeps on growing as planned...and the wife is less nauseous (by report anyway) these days. She is falling asleep a little later in the evening and able to make it to 10pm most nights...looks like we will make a nice smooth transition into the second trimester in two weeks. I can't wait.

My parents bought me a flip hd camcorder for my birthday. I'm super excited about beginning my videography of the pregnancy and early life of the kiddo. It should make it much easier to involve our families (who are all long distance) as well. And the baby projects at the moment are: figuring out second parent adoption (which we will do as we don't know if we will be staying in massachusetts for good) regulations and process, creating wills, and I started a baby blanket. I'm crocheting with boucle, in patches. So far I have 3 1/2 patches of 35 done. My personal deadline is the end of February (which means it will probably be done by Valentines day)! After this project, I have to modify the highchair that both my wife and my wife's dad used when they were babies (it needs to be a little safer and more comfortable), create a master inventory of all that we currently have for the baby and all that we will need, begin a registry, and do research on good cloth diaper options, among other projects.

I love my new hobby.

We've got a dancer

Everyone is fine. Thanks for the concern and well wishes. We had an appointment at our OB today and they did an ultrasound "just in case." as soon as the dildo-cam went in, there was huckleberry moving all around. It seriously looked like it was dancing! And we heard the heartbeat for the first time! 175 beats per minute. Nice and strong!

The real crazy part of the ultrasound was when we discovered that an earlier hunch of mine was true. There was a smaller sac in kb's uterus. Turns out that huckleberry most likely used to be a twin, which explains the very high hcg earlier on. So, that's fun. Sad that huckleberry's brother or sister did not stick around (I wouldn't have minded twins) but we are so happy that the baby that stuck is safe. And it already looks so human! It was wonderful!

Interview and the ER

I had a phone interview tonight for a 1-4 year research position at a very well-known university in Boston. While on the phone, my wife went out to pick up a food craving for dinner. I got two phone calls from her while on the other line going the interview and didn't answer them. Two minutes after the second call, my interview was over and I calked her back.

She was in a car accident and was being taken to the emergency room. A masshole had decided to turn left through an intersection in front of my wife who was driving straight from the opposite direction (and also had the right of way). The car may be totalled, which I'm not all that concerned about. My wife is fine, but shaky. Her neck is a bit sore. We may have to pursue a settlement for that. The baby is fine. We are probably going to have a follow up with our ob tomorrow.

But that was the worst phonecall of my life so far. And we keep going over the details. A fraction of a second delay in response could have cost us the baby or seriously hurt my wife.

I'll probably be freaked out for a while.

tears and fears

Last night, as I walked into the bedroom, I came across my wife, starting to cry.
when asked what was wrong, she stated that she had no idea, but that she just felt like she wanted to cry.

Ahhh hormones.

Also yesterday, my wife scared the living crap out of me. She texted me a message in the morning that said "I hope you interview for [a certain out-of-state position that would require traveling]on January 29th. Now, January 29th is the date of our first OB appointment...so, I'm freaking out, thinking that maybe we weren't going to have this appointment because maybe this was my wife's way of telling me that she was in the process of miscarrying.

Nope. Turns out she forgot the date of the appointment and was just really excited because Iron.and.wine is playing at a folk festival around that date and she wants to go.

So now, we are not only having weird emotional fluctuations, but also...lots of forgetfulness...if only I had time to list all the little forgetful things that have happened in the past few weeks...suffice to say, it would be a long list.

And instead of my wife being the one who is constantly freaked out, it's me...mostly because of the forgetfulness and weird emotional stuff coming from her...and my tendency to catastrophize and ruminate.

this if fun.

In other news, I am waiting to hear about post-doc interviews...at the moment, our first choice is about 800 miles from where we currently live (back towards home...for us). Massachusetts is nice...but it's not home...and our friends and family are elsewhere. Sure we could make new friends...but I don't want to. I like the friends I have...I spent a lot of time working on those relationships. So we will see where we end up. I have a pretty good chance at this site. I know people there and there are people in my research area who also work there. The lame part would be moving with a 2-3 week old infant...but we would manage...

I also have a phone interview for a research position in Boston...that would start September of 2010 (we interview real early in my field). This would also be a great position and will certainly pay well...but again...it's not home.

decisions. decisions. I just hope my first-choice position makes me an offer before others...so I don't have to turn people down in hopes that I get the first-choice one. In the end...I need a job...it would suck to turn down the only one that offers. I'm going to try and plan my other interviews as late as possible...that might be a good strategy.

Heart beat on the Doppler

As previously mentioned, my wife bought an at-home-Doppler on the Internet the other day. It arrived today. On the Internet it was advertised that we would be able to hear baby huckleberry's heartbeat from 9 wks onward. However, on the package it came in, it said from 12 wks. That should have been my first clue. Also, keep in mind that we are not quite 9 wks (8 wks 3 days).
But alas, we attempted. We had great fun listening to my wife's ridiculously loud heart beat and my much quieter one (which by the way matches our respective natures in general...hmmm...interesting). We tried to hear the dogs heartbeat but he really was not having it (plus I think he has too much fur). We tried listening to huckleberry without the gel...and nada. We tried with the gel and all of a sudden I heard something! Once I came back to earth, we listened more closely and realized that if couldn't be the baby's heartbeat because it was way too slow. With some very scientific experimentation and deduction, we realized that it was my wife's pulse (again, much louder than it needed to be) from the major artery that runs along the pelvis and hip joint, and down the leg.

Boo. But you should have seen how excited I was. A squirted out half the tube of gel before realizing I was duped.

Nature 1
crazy excited mama-to-be 0

She's not that bad...

This is partly to set the record straight, and partly to avoid future wrath...but really y'all, the wife is not that bad in terms of emotional lability...yet.

Sure, she takes things in unintended ways...more so than usual, and she doesn't like it when my reaction is not what she expected (like this morning, when she spilled half a bin of cereal on the floor and I remained neutral instead of laughing hysterically at her clutsyness)..but she isn't a dragon lady or anything.

Sure she freaks out a bit whenever she feels an uncomfortable sensation because she fears miscarriage more than anything, and she won't listen to the well-informed voice of reason (me), but she's not living in a constant state of panic...just a few minutes each day.

And while she is falling asleep around 730 (at the latest) each night and she hasn't been much help in helping me decide what to make for dinner every night (or lunches or breakfast), she has yet to throw up.

She does have this constant rhythmic burping thing going on and the pregnancy breath...well, it's not good folks. The clutsyness and forgetfulness has definitely increased by 50% or so and I'm thinking of taking up a new hobby for periods where she's napping or asleep before dinner. And while she is resistant to me looking at diaper-bags, she picked out a lot of baby books and just bought a Doppler on the Internet.
But all in all guys, she's carrying my child, and in my book she is perfectly justified in doing almost anything (plus...I know I will be much worse when I'm up to bat...it will be more than revenge!).

Budding genius

After work on Monday, the wife wanted to go to borders to look at baby books. This is fitting, as she may want to be a children's librarian. So I was trying to think of all the books I loved as a kid, and I was having some difficulty in remembering...until we got to the bookstore. I now want to buy the entire Dr. Seuss collection, the remaining Shel Silverstrin books of poems, the curious George collection, the little miss (insert adjective here) collection (you know-the square books with geometrically shaped characters like "little miss mischief," etc.), the real mother goose, if you give a mouse a cookie collection, and the list goes on and on. We went way over our monthly limit and purchased the following:
Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day
goodnight moon
corduroy
are you my mother
some book about baby animals (the title was not memorable).
We also bought a beatles for babies cd
and a world lullaby cd (in all different languages)

I can't wait until next month when I can add to the collection. So far we have at least twenty books-some new and some from my childhood.
next month it's Dr. Seuss books for sure.

This kid is going to be brilliant.

Orange you glad I didn't say licorice?

Well if we couldn't tell we were pregnant before (which we could) we certainly can now.
It's been pretty funny observing kb's food aversions and cravings. I opened up a bag of licorice five feet away from her and she nearly puked. Same thing happened when I ate leftover sausage pizza, which she readily downed the night before. We've discovered that most sweet things are not happening (with the exception of the occasional ice cream). And I am currently headed to the grocery store to stock up on oranges, grapefruit, pickles, and sauerkraut, yet again.

On top of the cravings, her boobs are bigger and so sore I can barely hug her without making her cry. And she's been a tad moody and reactive (not bad though). She's also developed narcolepsy and is constantly nauseous and burpy. I feel like we can't make any social plans because i can't anticipate when she will fall asleep or feel puky.

So this is pregnancy...and while this may sound like we are complaining, we are actually thrilled. We've been waiting for this for a long time.