30 January 2010

11 weeks and breastfeeding

We had our first official appointment at the ob's today. Boy was it long! Lots of questions about family history. And, as if being lesbian parents wasn't enough to make the ob's practice interesting, I gave her another element that stumped her. Turns out she has never had a non-gestational mother that wanted to ho on hormone therapy in order to breastfeed. I do what I can.

So she is going to get back to us on that one. We have our next appointment in two weeks in order for them to draw blood and do a risk screening for genetic problems. No amniocentesis. No invasive procedure. Just blood drawing and an ultrasound. That will mark the official end of our first trimester. I can't wait for the blissful second. I've heard it's lovely.

28 January 2010

Rejects

Won't be working at schmancy research job in Cambridge. Apparently I don't have enough publications. Can I help it if my co-authors hold onto manuscripts for several months before turning them around-delaying my progress? And it's not like I could do it alone because it would be a political nightmare. Bastards.

On the flip side, I've had some communication with the lead researcher on a job I am built for. They are just awaiting funding. We will see!

27 January 2010

hierarchical bullshit

It would be so great in life if people could concentrate on doing their jobs and avoid getting into ego-politics. For the most part, internship has been great. I feel like a fairly autonomous professional (which is good because people will be calling me Doctor in 6 months and I will be expected to operate independently). However, every once in a while, I am reminded that there is a political feature to every environment.

I should note, that I am not very good with politics and bullshit. I would prefer for us all to just do our jobs and focus on good quality of care, being professional equals. I don't care for this "I have an MD and therefore I am superior" crap. So, I am not particularly in-tune to these dynamics much of the time, because I don't operate in this way. I thought my inpatient rotation was fairly free of the drama as well...but oh, how it is not.

Basically, I was in an admission screening with a treatment team and the patient. I was not running the interview, but I did ask a few questions later because I didn't feel like this patient's anxiety was adequately assessed. And I was right. Turns out, she met for a very significant disorder that impacts her daily functioning. The psychiatrist in the room did not say anything to me at the time, but later, I found out that she felt I "overstepped my position," which I interpreted as more along the lines of making her feel stupid because she did not adequately assess the patient. So, it turns out this is not really about me, and more about her, as this has happened with other psychologists as well. The psychiatrist in question feels threatened by anybody who knows more than she does. I hate to break it to her, but I know quite a bit more than she does when it comes to research, therapy, and efficacy/outcome studies, because that is my training and my role in the world of mental illness. This should make for better quality of care on a multidisciplinary team, but instead, I am advised to "dumb it down," when dealing with this psychiatrist.

Bullshit.

There is my rant and rave of the day.

In other news, the wife is starting to show more and more...not to others, but to me. But it is exciting. Junior just keeps on growing as planned...and the wife is less nauseous (by report anyway) these days. She is falling asleep a little later in the evening and able to make it to 10pm most nights...looks like we will make a nice smooth transition into the second trimester in two weeks. I can't wait.

My parents bought me a flip hd camcorder for my birthday. I'm super excited about beginning my videography of the pregnancy and early life of the kiddo. It should make it much easier to involve our families (who are all long distance) as well. And the baby projects at the moment are: figuring out second parent adoption (which we will do as we don't know if we will be staying in massachusetts for good) regulations and process, creating wills, and I started a baby blanket. I'm crocheting with boucle, in patches. So far I have 3 1/2 patches of 35 done. My personal deadline is the end of February (which means it will probably be done by Valentines day)! After this project, I have to modify the highchair that both my wife and my wife's dad used when they were babies (it needs to be a little safer and more comfortable), create a master inventory of all that we currently have for the baby and all that we will need, begin a registry, and do research on good cloth diaper options, among other projects.

I love my new hobby.

21 January 2010

We've got a dancer

Everyone is fine. Thanks for the concern and well wishes. We had an appointment at our OB today and they did an ultrasound "just in case." as soon as the dildo-cam went in, there was huckleberry moving all around. It seriously looked like it was dancing! And we heard the heartbeat for the first time! 175 beats per minute. Nice and strong!

The real crazy part of the ultrasound was when we discovered that an earlier hunch of mine was true. There was a smaller sac in kb's uterus. Turns out that huckleberry most likely used to be a twin, which explains the very high hcg earlier on. So, that's fun. Sad that huckleberry's brother or sister did not stick around (I wouldn't have minded twins) but we are so happy that the baby that stuck is safe. And it already looks so human! It was wonderful!

20 January 2010

Interview and the ER

I had a phone interview tonight for a 1-4 year research position at a very well-known university in Boston. While on the phone, my wife went out to pick up a food craving for dinner. I got two phone calls from her while on the other line going the interview and didn't answer them. Two minutes after the second call, my interview was over and I calked her back.

She was in a car accident and was being taken to the emergency room. A masshole had decided to turn left through an intersection in front of my wife who was driving straight from the opposite direction (and also had the right of way). The car may be totalled, which I'm not all that concerned about. My wife is fine, but shaky. Her neck is a bit sore. We may have to pursue a settlement for that. The baby is fine. We are probably going to have a follow up with our ob tomorrow.

But that was the worst phonecall of my life so far. And we keep going over the details. A fraction of a second delay in response could have cost us the baby or seriously hurt my wife.

I'll probably be freaked out for a while.

15 January 2010

tears and fears

Last night, as I walked into the bedroom, I came across my wife, starting to cry.
when asked what was wrong, she stated that she had no idea, but that she just felt like she wanted to cry.

Ahhh hormones.

Also yesterday, my wife scared the living crap out of me. She texted me a message in the morning that said "I hope you interview for [a certain out-of-state position that would require traveling]on January 29th. Now, January 29th is the date of our first OB appointment...so, I'm freaking out, thinking that maybe we weren't going to have this appointment because maybe this was my wife's way of telling me that she was in the process of miscarrying.

Nope. Turns out she forgot the date of the appointment and was just really excited because Iron.and.wine is playing at a folk festival around that date and she wants to go.

So now, we are not only having weird emotional fluctuations, but also...lots of forgetfulness...if only I had time to list all the little forgetful things that have happened in the past few weeks...suffice to say, it would be a long list.

And instead of my wife being the one who is constantly freaked out, it's me...mostly because of the forgetfulness and weird emotional stuff coming from her...and my tendency to catastrophize and ruminate.

this if fun.

In other news, I am waiting to hear about post-doc interviews...at the moment, our first choice is about 800 miles from where we currently live (back towards home...for us). Massachusetts is nice...but it's not home...and our friends and family are elsewhere. Sure we could make new friends...but I don't want to. I like the friends I have...I spent a lot of time working on those relationships. So we will see where we end up. I have a pretty good chance at this site. I know people there and there are people in my research area who also work there. The lame part would be moving with a 2-3 week old infant...but we would manage...

I also have a phone interview for a research position in Boston...that would start September of 2010 (we interview real early in my field). This would also be a great position and will certainly pay well...but again...it's not home.

decisions. decisions. I just hope my first-choice position makes me an offer before others...so I don't have to turn people down in hopes that I get the first-choice one. In the end...I need a job...it would suck to turn down the only one that offers. I'm going to try and plan my other interviews as late as possible...that might be a good strategy.

11 January 2010

Heart beat on the Doppler

As previously mentioned, my wife bought an at-home-Doppler on the Internet the other day. It arrived today. On the Internet it was advertised that we would be able to hear baby huckleberry's heartbeat from 9 wks onward. However, on the package it came in, it said from 12 wks. That should have been my first clue. Also, keep in mind that we are not quite 9 wks (8 wks 3 days).
But alas, we attempted. We had great fun listening to my wife's ridiculously loud heart beat and my much quieter one (which by the way matches our respective natures in general...hmmm...interesting). We tried to hear the dogs heartbeat but he really was not having it (plus I think he has too much fur). We tried listening to huckleberry without the gel...and nada. We tried with the gel and all of a sudden I heard something! Once I came back to earth, we listened more closely and realized that if couldn't be the baby's heartbeat because it was way too slow. With some very scientific experimentation and deduction, we realized that it was my wife's pulse (again, much louder than it needed to be) from the major artery that runs along the pelvis and hip joint, and down the leg.

Boo. But you should have seen how excited I was. A squirted out half the tube of gel before realizing I was duped.

Nature 1
crazy excited mama-to-be 0

08 January 2010

She's not that bad...

This is partly to set the record straight, and partly to avoid future wrath...but really y'all, the wife is not that bad in terms of emotional lability...yet.

Sure, she takes things in unintended ways...more so than usual, and she doesn't like it when my reaction is not what she expected (like this morning, when she spilled half a bin of cereal on the floor and I remained neutral instead of laughing hysterically at her clutsyness)..but she isn't a dragon lady or anything.

Sure she freaks out a bit whenever she feels an uncomfortable sensation because she fears miscarriage more than anything, and she won't listen to the well-informed voice of reason (me), but she's not living in a constant state of panic...just a few minutes each day.

And while she is falling asleep around 730 (at the latest) each night and she hasn't been much help in helping me decide what to make for dinner every night (or lunches or breakfast), she has yet to throw up.

She does have this constant rhythmic burping thing going on and the pregnancy breath...well, it's not good folks. The clutsyness and forgetfulness has definitely increased by 50% or so and I'm thinking of taking up a new hobby for periods where she's napping or asleep before dinner. And while she is resistant to me looking at diaper-bags, she picked out a lot of baby books and just bought a Doppler on the Internet.
But all in all guys, she's carrying my child, and in my book she is perfectly justified in doing almost anything (plus...I know I will be much worse when I'm up to bat...it will be more than revenge!).

05 January 2010

Budding genius

After work on Monday, the wife wanted to go to borders to look at baby books. This is fitting, as she may want to be a children's librarian. So I was trying to think of all the books I loved as a kid, and I was having some difficulty in remembering...until we got to the bookstore. I now want to buy the entire Dr. Seuss collection, the remaining Shel Silverstrin books of poems, the curious George collection, the little miss (insert adjective here) collection (you know-the square books with geometrically shaped characters like "little miss mischief," etc.), the real mother goose, if you give a mouse a cookie collection, and the list goes on and on. We went way over our monthly limit and purchased the following:
Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day
goodnight moon
corduroy
are you my mother
some book about baby animals (the title was not memorable).
We also bought a beatles for babies cd
and a world lullaby cd (in all different languages)

I can't wait until next month when I can add to the collection. So far we have at least twenty books-some new and some from my childhood.
next month it's Dr. Seuss books for sure.

This kid is going to be brilliant.

02 January 2010

Orange you glad I didn't say licorice?

Well if we couldn't tell we were pregnant before (which we could) we certainly can now.
It's been pretty funny observing kb's food aversions and cravings. I opened up a bag of licorice five feet away from her and she nearly puked. Same thing happened when I ate leftover sausage pizza, which she readily downed the night before. We've discovered that most sweet things are not happening (with the exception of the occasional ice cream). And I am currently headed to the grocery store to stock up on oranges, grapefruit, pickles, and sauerkraut, yet again.

On top of the cravings, her boobs are bigger and so sore I can barely hug her without making her cry. And she's been a tad moody and reactive (not bad though). She's also developed narcolepsy and is constantly nauseous and burpy. I feel like we can't make any social plans because i can't anticipate when she will fall asleep or feel puky.

So this is pregnancy...and while this may sound like we are complaining, we are actually thrilled. We've been waiting for this for a long time.