IUI round two...ding ding ding.

We went in for the folly-check on Tuesday. 3 very mature follicles on the left, one possibly mature and one puny follicle on the right. 26mm, 25mm, 24mm, 17mm, and 12mm. Also, her LH was on the rise, meaning she was starting to ovulate. KB gave herself the triggershot that afternoon. Yesterday morning, she went in for IUI #1 of this month. Counts were good, 52 million at 69% post-thaw! It took 3 people to get it in her though! Apparently KB has a "crooked cervix" and if we ever have to go the IVF route, she will have to have her cervix dilated surgically every time they implant embryo's, because the poor little things are too fragile for KB's twisty cervix...so that was not fun information from the RE, and let's hope we never have to go that route!

IUI #2 of the cycle was this morning...also good counts: 50 million at 62% post-thaw. This time, the catheter slipped right in...who would have thought!

So we are back in the tww. This is the last tww in Chicago. And the last for at least a few months. I am still hopeful...but I am much less optimistic than in the past. I feel like my optimisim decreases with every month we get a BFN. Although, the good news, is that every month, we are one step closer and conditions are that much better...increasing in aggressiveness and in accuracy...that makes me feel better. Onward and Upward...towards the goal (I hope this is what the swimmers are also thinking!)...

Data problem fixed! I was able to re-download my data off the server and I fixed the program so that it would download all the variables (which means I don't have to re-enter them for each participant--which is great because that is 12,000 entries). I do have to redo some of my work (recoding some data and cleaning up the file)...but all in all, it looks like I lost about 5 hours of work. That isn't horrible. It could have been a lot LOT worse.

So pissed off I could SCREAM!

I have been hand entering some of my dissertation data into SPSS (a stats program) for a few days right now. And my computer decides to erase the fucking file AS SOON AS I'M DONE ENTERING IT!!!! Blamo. gone. I searched the whole damned computer...and almost threw it through a wall. So fucking pissed.

Status

cd2 of this cycle. It came pretty quick. Stopped the progesterone gel, and the next day my wife regrettedly greeted AF. She went in for her baseline stuff today...and apparently they want us back in on cd10 for a folly-check, and most likely a trigger shot. Originally (last month) they had said they would probably have us come in earlier during this cycle because KB responded so well to the clomid and they would want to trigger sooner. Now they are saying "there is no way to tell from month to month if you will respond the same way to clomid, so it's better to just come in on day 10." I wish someone would get their story straight! This is the kind of conflicting information that we keep getting and that I find to be extremely frustrating. And what is worse, is that this means I won't be there for the IUI's. Most likely they will be occurring on day 11 and 12, and I will be at work on those days. There is no way out of working those days either, considering I have only 6 days left at that job. This sucks. I hate not being there at possible-conception. It makes me feel more removed from the process....like I am not needed for us to conceive (which logically I know is true...but I don't like it any more). That said, we don't want to skip a cycle just because I can't be there. Especially not after already paying $300 for today's work and the $200 vial of sperm they are holding ransom from last month's leftovers. So if my calendar is correct, we will be testing on July 6th. And this month (knock on wood) I am going to strongly advocate for no HPT's. We can just wait for the doctor's verdict and not ruin our 4th of July weekend.

No injectibles for us. At least not now. The whole proposition of injectibles had me thinking. There seems to be a lack of communication on all fronts. For instance, did the nurse ask the doc before suggesting injectibles,especially considering that kb produced 7 follicles on clomid? Why did we not know prior to pursuing iui that there was an upper-limit on how many follicles you can produce and still have them do the procedure? Why did the nurse not even know we were on clomid last round? How come I haven't heard a damned thing from our actual RE? And why did the nurse seem to believe frozen sperm could last for a few days? That is contradictory to everything I have read. I feel like the swimmers were all dead before the egg was released. They should have done two iui's like they usually do, but they were scared about the chances of multiples. So I am angry. I'm actually angry enough to find a new RE. But we are only here 6 more weeks. So once more with this RE and then we will be looking for a new one in central Massachusetts. Let's hope we don't need to. And if we do, let's hope they are better about communicating with us than is our current RE.

I don't get it

7 follicles.
Progesterone suppositories.
Uterine cramps.
Implantation bleeding (or so we thought)
But still not pregnant.

I was so sure this time.
And now the doctor is recommending injectibles.
I wonder how much that will cost.
I wonder when this will happen for us.

Honestly?

What are we doing to ourselves? So this morning we fell to temptation and tested. Of course it was a BFN because it is only 12dpiui and probably 11dpo. Not to mention I think today is around cd23...which means we still have another few days until we hit KB's normal cycle length anyways. Our bloodtest is Friday...and I can't promise we won't test tomorrow...it is just so tempting...especially when we have had VERY VERY promising signs. I will be shocked if we are not pregnant this month...I swear that light pink spotting was implantation...perfect timing, coupled with little uterine poke sensations...what else could it possibly be?

Implantation bleeding?

So KB has noticed a little light pink streak yesterday and today. That, coupled with poking sensations off and on over the past five days and we are dying to test. But we are waiting until Thursday. And Friday is our blood test at the RE. I have a good feeling about this month and I think the wife does too but she doesn't want to say for sure because she is afraid of jinxing it. 36 hours folks.

Getting things done fast!

Talk about quick...we found a place to live on Friday, and our only gripe is that there is no dishwasher...but there is plenty of space. Yesterday (Sunday), KB and I worked at one of our part-time gigs (cater-waitering), and on our way there, I looked up items for sale on Craigslist, just out of curiousity. I found several portable dishwasher's for sale--you know, the kind you fasten to your sink. We purchased a dishwasher on our way home that night, for half the price of the same model new. And the dishwasher we bought was used for less than a year. Problem solved. Well...almost. The previous owner forgot to give me the attachment for the faucet...so I have to stop by on my way home from work as well. But now, we have a dishwasher...could life get any better?

We found our house in Massachusetts! The landlords are great. The rent is way cheaper than we expected. I can walk to work on days I don't have to travel to jails or courts. We are close to the main restaurant street in town. It has a yard. It is perfect! And we move in in 7 weeks. Me, the wife, the dog, the cat, and our blastcyst hopefuls!

Fake out

I'm sitting in the airport as I write. We are on our way to Worcester and are determined to find our next home. KB's mom dropped us off at the airport this morning. We spent the night with them last night after dropping off the furbaby--who loves grandma more than he loves us. Given the choice, he will choose her. She spoils him! I can't even begin to imagine how she will spoil her first grandbaby one day! It was a tiring night. She doesn't know we are ttc, and we are trying to keep it that way. But it is hard because she is super-observant and she knows what she's looking for--she is a retired OBGYN nurse (also my mom is a neo-natal icu nurse and my younger sister is a pediatric nurse--so we are set but also have to be über-good at faking them all out--it's like living with a bunch of psychics--only we don't live with them and none can read palms)! Here was yesterday's synopsis:

KB was very tired all day-- we blamed that on no sleep the previous night.
No alcohol at dinner--"why would I want alcohol when I'm quite tired already?!"
I was crocheting a stuffed pink pig--KB's mom thought they were booties and we laughed it off and made pregnancy jokes followed by a quick (but not too quick) explanation that I am making stuffed animals for neices and a nephew we will be seeing this summer.
KB was moody all night-so I made fun of her like a good insensitive wife.
We had to hide the wrapper to the progesterone suppository (it's currently in the wife's bag)
No coffee this morning (apparently the wife can't stomach coffee for a few hours in the morning)
An incredibly burpy wife--blame it on the Italian food.
A very pale wife--well that's the anemia of course!!!

God I am exhausted. But I think the fake out worked. Not too many more I hope! I don't know how much more of this I can take! I need a nap!

Starting to feel anxious...

So we move to Massachusetts in 7 1/2 weeks. Totally excited, but also totally starting to feel the anxiety. The friend that we thought was going to rent with us just found out that the hiring decision she is waiting on just got pushed back again, and now we feel like we can't wait for that to happen because it would be too close to our move date to find another renter. So now we are looking for someone to rent our place. This stresses me out.

We are excited about this month's IUI and can't wait for the result on June 12th. And at the same time, with all of the mature follicles KB had, we are a little nervous at the prospect of having higher order multiples and having to make decisions regarding selective reduction (if we are pregnant, and if there are more than three hanging out in there). This makes me nervous.

And finally, leaving the place that has only just started to feel like home, and moving to a new city where we know nobody and may in fact be pregnant...to a lot of unknowns and uncertainties...this stresses me out as well.

However, that said, my wife and I are confident that we can make it through pretty much anything together, and we are as prepared as we can be. The pieces will all fall into place, hopefully sooner rather than later, but we are certain that everything will work out. After all, we just so happened to meet each other at the right times in both of our lives, we just so happened to fall in love, we just so happened to move-in together at a perfect time for the two of us, and all of the challenges that came with those events were easily endured and eventually overcome. We have fought our way through financial frugality to pay off credit cards, pay for a wedding, buy a new car, pay for fertility treatments, and save a large chunk of change for next year's bills. We have dealt with minor health issues and have persevered. So come on life, bring it. We are prepared, and confident that it will work out well for us...even if we are anxious right now.