It feels like every day my feelings about moving change. On Tuesday I was really sad, doubting everything. Yesterday I was scared. Today, I am neither of these things. Just excited and ready to go! I feel like our ttc-journey has taken a similar course over the past few months. Right now, I am still excited to be a parent--someday, but am also feeling very protective and cautious. I don't know how long this will take us, and if I keep focusing on it, it will make me crazy. I just know that we will be parents someday and in some way. And until then, I'm relishing my time with my wife. Right now, I have her all to myself, better enjoy this while I can still say this.

Nine days left. All packed up (for the most part). Ready to go. I am more nervous for the logistics of the move than for the move itself. Driving the truck, fitting everything in, not breaking shit. That kind of stuff. And I am starting to emotionally detach a little. Makes it easier. Tired of talking to people and saying goodbye. This is my 22nd move in my life...although to be fair about half of my moves were local and not 1000 miles. But the other half were all long distance, sometimes overseas. So I'm pretty used to it...but it's still hard.

And the harder part of it is that I really thought we'd be pregnant in the first year of trying. And we won't be. In fact, we have no clear idea of where we are on our road to parenthood. We may be trying IVF in November. New RE may suggest a different path and we won't know that path for a few months. It's just a giant question mark. I don't like it one bit. I like plans. I've lived my life on plans...almost finished a doctoral program on plans. They keep me motivated with an end goal. I am not even totally sure what our end goal is now.

T minus two weeks until we leave the great Chicago and head east. I have now officially packed all dishes except for a pan or two and we are using the "disposable" ware, which we will wash and reuse as much as possible.

The house feels like a disaster zone and less and less like our place.

I've started my goodbyes--beginning with one of my best friends who is returning home to New Zealand as we speak.

The wife is beginning to feel the anxiety and has had trouble sleeping the past few nights.

It feels weird that we aren't starting another round of clomid this cycle. And even as we are taking a small break from the cycle of tww's, we cannot seem to get out of this pattern. Only, this time the tww involves moving and will go by more quickly than I want it to. I better go buy a box of Kleenex.

BFN. We are taking the next month or so off as we move across the country and figure out our next step.

Stop #7: wishbone. Still waiting to hear the results of the test. It's never taken this long before. WHY HAVENT THEY CALLED US YET?

#'s 4, 5, and 6 in our goodbye Chicago tour:
M-henrys for breakfast
Indian take-out from Indian garden
Cubs game (tonight! Yay beer and hot dogs)!!!

Boy. Chicagoans sure do eat a lot, huh?

In other news, I have been thinking a lot about how quickly our "waiting for the move" went. Although tww's have sucked a lot these past three months or so, they have taken our mind off of the move and have made the whole relocation-deal easier for us (well for me at least. I haven't exactly asked kb how it's affected her). And similarly, when I have needed my mind to be far away from ttc the most, I have had packing to occupy me. Distractions make life easier sometimes, I guess.

I should pack up my entire house more often

I found an unused target giftcard. Apparently I was saving it for something. I just can't remember what!

One month to go!

On Monday, I finished my contract at the university and now I am a FREE WOMAN (in terms of work that is :))! It feels so good to not be in the clinic anymore! I was so close to punching my boss in the face...about a dozen different times...good thing I didn't! So now, I am only working one part time gig. No more catering, no more statistical consulting, no more clients. From 80 hours to 25 hours a week...all in 24 hours! With the rest of my free time, the wife and I are saying a proper goodbye to Chicago by visiting all of our favorite places and all traditions (regardless of whether they are a favorite or not).

So far we did:
#1 Signature room on the top of the Hancock, followed by the Billy Goat Tavern
#2 Chicago Pride...enough said
#3 The Taste of Chicago

I wonder what #4 will be...

In other news, we most likely found renters. They have passed a credit check and are now reviewing the lease...which we sent them this morning. With any luck, it will be signed and returned, along with the first/last month's rent, tomorrow! Things are starting to wrap up real nicely!

Now if only we can make it through the second week of our tww!