Saying goodbye to old friends...

Today was a sad day for me...very sad actually. I felt that it was time that I say goodbye to an old friend who is not really a friend anymore. Now, I should mention that I am not in the habit of excommunicating my friends, no matter how much we disagree or differ. However, sometimes, I believe that it is necessary to discontinue a relationship or contact because there are certain relationships that are so hurtful, toxic even, that they negatively affect every area of one's life and keep them from being happy and healthy. This was basically the reason that I ended this relationship.

I first became friends with P when I was 12 years old, and he and his wife were in their 20's. They were like surrogate parents to me at a time when I was not getting along terribly well with my biological parents. I quickly became very close with P and his wife. When their son was born, I became their pseudo-nanny. I say pseudo because nobody ever called me that...but for all intensive purposes, I was their nanny. I was at their house about half of the week...until they moved away right before my Junior year of high school.

Another important piece of information, is that I grew up in a mega-church...that's right...the people in my home-town jokingly (most of the time) called it the "god-dome." Thousands of members attended and particiated in activities at this church. P was also a member of this church. When I met P, he was a moderate in terms of his religious views. However, over the course of the last decade and a half, he has become as conservative as they come. He is now a pastor (this is the reason he moved away as mentioned above...he went to seminary). I stayed in touch with him mostly by phone for the last decade. About a year ago, I reconnected with him on facebook. It was then that I realized just how much he has changed.

I feel like the last 6 months have been just one intolerant post after another. In the beginning I would engage in intellectual debates with him about his positions, politically, socially, and religiously. After a while, it just became too hard to even talk to him, yet alone engage in a debate. I found out that he really didn't attend my wedding because of "my sins" (a.k.a. being gay). Back in the day we used to plan that he would be the minister at my wedding...that didn't happen. And now, I feel like I am daily becoming emotionally upset and angry for the intolerant comments and views he posts. I know what he believes in regarding abortion, being gay, liberals, and Obama...and frankly, I don't need to see them posted in hurtful ways all over my facebook page.

So, since I know that he is not going to change his behavior, and I also know that staying in contact with him means risking my emotional health and daily balance, I have decided to say goodbye. This relationship has not been supportive or productive for over a decade. And why do I need him constantly commenting on my life and my choices. It's not good for me. It's not good for my family. Still...it is hard. Like I said, I don't typically cut people out of my life. But I have contemplated this for a while...and it is the healthy thing to do...

Goodbye P. I hope that someday, you are inspired by a message of love, tolerance, and progress. And I hope that you will someday think farther than two feet in front of you. Until then...