Better late...than never

TA DA! Welcome to my blog. I have resisted starting a blog for quite a while...until I discovered that my partner KB has been writing a blog about our journey into marriage and motherhood for quite some time. Then I started reading countless other lesbian fertility and motherhood blogs and I made another discovery: it is always the carrying mothers that post...and never the other half. So here I am. I am a hopefully-mom-to-be-soon who is pushing 30, finishing her PhD, and hoping for a "magical baby" with each insemination.

Today marks 8dpo. It is our first attempt at pregnancy, with an at-home insemination. KB is on clomid (50mg)--which we discovered is a cruel cruel drug as it mimics pregnancy symptoms...seriously...they couldn't find another way to stimulate egg release? And because I have always been an over-acheiver, and we want to give this shot our all, we purchased 3 vials of sperm this month...and we used them all...last Tuesday night, Thursday night, and for good measure--Friday at dawn.

We realize that we might not get pregnant during the first month...and that many other women have had a lot of difficulties, including many close friends....we feel for you, and hope that we don't ever have to experience that pain first-hand.

At the same time...and maybe it is because I am a newbie...I have found myself on the 2ww rollercoaster....and it is not stopping anytime soon! The first few days after we inseminated...I felt really good...like this might be it...afterall, we bought "super-sperm," the best donor with the highest success rate at Midwest Sperm Bank...and we bought three whole vials!

3-4dpo, KB had some random possible pregnancy symptoms...which we realize is impossible...but for some reason my mind likes to think that perhaps she is "not a normal human" and that she is capable of feeling her pregnancy before science would deem it possible. Turns out, it was probably the clomid that caused those.

Her boobs were really sore around 6dpo, but then they weren't at the end of 7dpo. I checked her cp...it was high and soft, and there was a lot of lotion-like mucous on the vaginal walls...

And now I think I am just sucked into all the pregnancy folklore crap on-line. I can't stop looking up symptoms...it's like an addiction, only it doesn't make me feel better when I feed it, it makes me feel worse...more anxious...and tired...so why do I still do it? Because I am obsessed...that is why. Last night we succumbed to our temptations and took an HPT. Negative...of course. It was only 7dpo!

I think I am going insane...I hate this already...we better not have to do this too often. I will never be able to get any work done if I am constantly in a 2ww!

KB just called as I was writing. She is feeling some light cramping in her uterus...could this be implantation? gotta go...I need to do more on-line "research."