And so so stupid

I feel like a fool. This whole week, I have been feeling like this might be it--maybe this is the time it takes and we are actually pregnant. There weren't a lot of symptoms (that couldn't be explained by prometrium)...but there were a few that I thought were sure indicators. KB had a temp dip at 6dpo (which we thought was implantation) and little twinges around 7 and 9dpo (which we thought was also implantation). These are not things she has ever felt before...or maybe I should reframe this. These are not things she has ever NOTICED before. Were they there all along? Whatever the story is, this feels like a weird twisted joke. Thanks a fucking lot mother nature. Your "pregnancy symptom mimicing period symptoms" game is a blast.

KB had a temp drop this morning...not just a few points...but a drastic drop...from 98.44 to 97.48. Or somewhere thereabouts. That's almost a whole fucking degree. And last night she said she felt like her period was coming. Today is cd26. 13dpo. KB's cycles are typically 26 days long, and she for surely ovulated on cd12...so naturally, tomorrow would be D-Day. So how long do we delay her period with the prometrium and hold on to false hope? The test this morning was negative. That coupled with the fact that she had such a huge temperature drop...I think it's conclusive. We aren't pregnant (again) this month. I could have bought that scooter I always wanted with the money we've wasted by now! And I know it isn't a "waste" per say, but I feel like this whole thing is stupid. And our fucking government won't allow equal rights to the likes of us, so once again, the hetero's are privileged with their anatomy and free baby-making ingredients, while I have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars because our health insurance won't cover fertility.

We are waiting until Sunday to test for the final time before inducing the period. I am not in the least bit optimistic. I just want to see the final BFN and move along to next month...where this whole emotional hell-i-coaster starts all over.

Stupid for thinking this was it.