12 dpo and going strong

It is amazing how ttc can bring out your most comfortably hidden neuroses. For the most part, this month has been a breeze compared to last...but then, when I am feeling comfortable and oblivious to the wait, all of a sudden I am struck by a sudden need to worry about anything and everything related to ttc and our future as mothers. What if one of us loses our job? What if baby b is not treated well by his/her peers? What if we are horrible mothers? What if I can't handle the stress of it all? What if we have to move across the country? What if (fill in the blank here)?

That is where I am at...periodic bouts of worry in an otherwise boring 2ww. Nothing going on. No symptoms...still. We fought the urge to test again this morning...and I have to say I am quite proud of us for doing so. Saturday can't come fast enough, but I am confident we can wait until then to test...it is only 4 more days...that's nothin!

And now a quick change of topic...for which I have no transition...sorry for the abruptness of it all...

I am tired of people telling us to be patient and wait and how they have tried to conceive forever and are worried about not being fertile...blah blah blah. Let me clarify, I am tired of people who are in their early to mid-twenties and are in heterosexual relationships where the sperm is on tap complaining about these things. Let me make something clear...we are not in the same boat...we will never be in the same boat. We are older, worried about our rapidly dropping chances of conceiving, and we pay for our sperm...which adds up quickly. We can't just have sex every night and day to "help increase our chances" and there are only so many inseminations that this pseudo-gynocologist can handle in a 72 hour period...both emotionally and financially.

That said, to all of you who are in a similar boat (i.e. gay and over the age of 30), please don't take offense to my rantings. I am just frustrated. And I know many of you have been through a lot that I never would wish upon anyone...even the aforementioned younger heterosexual couples.

Okay..and now that that hormonal rage is released...I have to get some work done...

until tomorrow...