While I really feel that I have been pretty steadily nesting since at least the 20th week of pregnancy, it has really taken to a new level lately. Ever since entering the third trimester and having the constant reminder that we are having a baby (as evidenced by the wife's rapidly growing belly), I feel this sense of anxiety all of a sudden and I feel compelled to do baby-related stuff to prepare for upcoming motherhood. It isn't so much anxiety about being good parents (although I do feel that periodically when I am impatient with our dog or drivers on the road...and also at other times). It isn't necessarily worry about what might happen at delivery/birth or later in our daughter's life (like hydrocephalous, or distress during delivery, or autism, or bipolar when she's in her 20's, or being hit by a car when she learns to drive...etc). It isn't so much emotional and personal preparedness concerns. I feel emotionally pretty prepared and ready to meet our daughter.
It's physical for sure. The funny thing, is that we have so much stuff for her and have almost everything we might need for the first few years of life (save for laundry detergent and a few miscellaneous things). So, I guess it isn't even having all the stuff we need. It's that it feels like there is so much left to do.
I made a list of the things left to do and assigned them to our remaining weekends before she's born (about 8-11 we hope). And the list isn't even that long. We've set up the room and washed all of her 0-6 month clothing and linens. We've organized, organized, and done more organizing.
But we do have to figure out how to install the car seat, attend birthing classes, finish off our cloth diaper collection and wash them several times, pack a "go-bag" for the hospital, sterilize breast-milk containers for when I start pumping in less-than-a-month, desensitize the dog to all of her toys and equipment, buy breastfeeding bras...blah blah blah.
It isn't that much and yet it feels overwhelming. I think the bigger question that makes me more and more anxious and feeds into this sense of dread is whether or not we are moving (which will make the to-do list much greater...packing boxes...ugh)...which I have yet to find out. I still haven't heard from fancy-but-underpaid job in Chicago. I know too much about the whole process for sure...which doesn't help me deal with it. For example...I know that there is one applicant left and she's interviewing next Monday. So I know I won't know about the job until then...but dammit...I want to know so I can start packing and getting rid of stuff that we won't have room for if we have to move back into our 1-bedroom condo.
This next few weeks may require extra meditation...cause the anxiety. Oy. And now that I've written this, which was somewhat cathartic...I am starting to worry a little more about being a good parent and all that can happen to her in life. Sometimes I wish for the days where we were ignorant about harmful things....but then again...ignorance is not so bliss either.
1 day ago
2 comments:
Total empathy here! I'm totally freaked out because we still don't have the car seat base installed and no go back packed, etc etc.
It's crazy right? When are you due?
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