Og moving

Until now, we've kept this blog from people we know because it was a good way for us to vent about our frustrations throught ttc and pregnancy. But now the function of our blog has changed and rather than edit all of our old posts so as not to offend family, we've decided just to move. If you'd like to continue reading, please join us at belmontzoo.wordpress.com.

And thanks for providing a sounding board during a very frustrating period of my life.

Last weekend in Massachusetts.

Well we've made it to Saturday-- which means only two days left with the in- laws Because they will be in a different car on the way home. And I've got lots of last minute packing and cleaning to do, not to mention organizing and loading the truck on Sunday! So that's good. I was hoping to move right into our condo once we got to Chicago, but our tenants won't be out until Wednesday morning, so it looks like we will be staying the night at kels parents. The good news is her brother and grandma will also be there and will provide a good buffer. Thatand sveral packages from friends were mailed there so I have something to occupy our time.

I've been handling my frustration and annoyance pretty well. Although kel thinks I've been rude to her parents onmore than one occassion. The word she used was "cold." it's hard not to be when I'm this frustrated and annoyed. Yesterday, I started my morning being made fun of by kels dad for a solid 20 minutes. The subject of the jest was my 7 tattoos and my piercings (which are only in my ears these days). It made me feel like a little kid-which is one of the easiest ways to piss me off. And I guess that sums up my relationship with ger parents. Thet treat both of us like children and don't respect our autonomy and boundaries. They never ask about holiday attendance, but rather they assume we will be there. They butt their way into our business- like our budget and how we raise our daughter (who is only 11days old!). And kels mom even uses this patronizing baby-talk voice when talking to us most of the time. I find it super grating and irritating. Once we get home I'm taking a long break from them. Like several several weeks. They can visit while I'm at work. But I don't want to see them. I'm hoping our relationship won't be permanently scarred fromthe past month. But something tells me things will never be like they were before because I like them a little less now. That's why it's been so hard to be nice to them when they are annoying me and Thats sad to me.

I'm Kind of glad grampa flys in today. It will give grandma someone else to talk to. I go back and forth with how much she annoys me. I feel for her in some ways because I'm pretty sure she knows her presence is not wanted here anymore and she just wants to be helpful. However, I also find myself annoyed by the smallest things. The behavior that's bugging me most right now his her tendency to insert herself into our family decsions. It isn't even about the baby half the time, but I don't really need or want her input. These are family decisions meant for immediate family only, of which she is no longer because we have a new family unit. Kel had asked her to stay out of the baby decisions and stuff, but her mom still feels the need to know every bowel movement and how long Emmy slept. WHY? And I don't even remember what she butted into yesterday (because I'm sleep deprived) but I actually said, "that's a family decision that Kelly and I need to make." her annoyance was never foreseen. I thought kelly's dad would get on my nerves but I have a feeling he won't be nearly as bad as kels mom. It's as if her mom views herself as a third mom and needs to know every little thing. She then reports every little detail to the entire extended family. Can we say enmeshed? And, what if I wanted to make an announcement about her sleep schedule! Joking. But seriously. By her being so over the top it doesn't leave much room for the rest of us to be excited. And she tells everyone everything which leaves us nothing to talk about. I wish she would remove herself from our business a little.

At the hospital, literally 2 minutes after birth kelly's mom was on the phone bawling to everyone. First off, what if I wanted to do that? Secondly, the doctor was trying to talk to us and we couldn't even hear her because of the drama queen in the background. I hope she knows that she doesn't have an open invitation to come over whenever she wants when we get to Chicago. Thank Buddha they live an hour away (2 with traffic!!!).

In an unrelated note, Emmy slept five hours straight last night and I think she's resolved her day and night confusion. This makes both moms really happy!

The mother-in-law is annoying ne a little less the past day or so. I think it's because kel mentioned that I felt like my role was usurped both in the hospital and at home. She's backed off a bit on the baby advice and questioning. I, in turn, have been nicer to her. Thanks for the support on this issue and for letting me vent. I've felt like I have no outlet these past few days.

We are also settling in nicely with routines here. We realized yesterday that it becomes a little difficult to remember when emmy last ate/pooped/etc when you are sleep deprived. So we are going to start a simple log today, only to be used until we know her patterns and routines better. We don't believe in rigid and artificially-imposed schedules with newborns. It messes with their psychological attachment to us. So we will keep a log for a few days.

We had our first pediatrician appt yesterday and Emmy is doing really well. She peed on me at the doctors office after they weighed her and before I could get her diaper back on. It was right on my lap and I looked like I wet myself for a half hour. I'm glad it was only pee this time! We dropped down to 5lbs and 14 oz. She's SO little. In fact, her size newborn clothes fall off her. So we broke down and bought two pairs of premie pants fir when we go out in public. They are still a bit big in the waist because she's so long and skinny. We also-and I hate to say it- broke down and bought one box of premie disposae diapers. We can't wait to use our cloth diapers but they are falling off her right now and not doing their job. I find some comfort in the fact that we purchased diapers made from recycled materials.

We are looking into breastmilk donation. Our pediatrician told us that frozen breastmilk tastes funny and it's hard to keep it from getting freezer burned. She recommended we just keep a few days reserves in the fridge and told us we can refrigerate breastmilk for 7 days. Since there are two of us producing, it doesn't take long to fill up a few extra containers. So we are going to not buy the deep freezer at this point and donate our extra supply instead.

The best news of all: last night the monkey slept all night, and only woke for feedings. She latched onto Kelly well (which as been a struggle for her only with Kelly) and there were no crying jags. Hallelujah!

The good and the bad

While we were in the hospital we got a call from our lawyer with some bad news. The guy who was supposed to buy our condo pulled out a week before the sceduled closing. So, now it looks like we will be moving back to our old condo in Chicago instead of with the wife's parents in the suburbs, and we will need to refinance our place with a 30-year fixed because our balloon payment on a 7 year arm is due in April.

At first I was really upset because we were planning on staying rent-free through the winter and then buying a house next spring. Now it's not clear when we will making that purchase. And on the other hand I was relieved. I think moving in with kel's parents would have done bad things to our marriage. Her mom has been at our place since august 2nd, waiting for the baby and I kind of want to shoot myself. I hate being told what to do, even if the person thinks it's helpful (" go take a nap.") and I don't want any more advice about our unique breastfeeding situation (we are both doing it), I met with a lactation consultant already. Mostly I just feel like she is hovering ALL THE TIME. She was at the birth too and at times I felt invisible in the room. I felt like she usurped my role a bit in the whole process and that she was overly dramatic and shifting attention from where it should be: on our family and our daughter's birth. I'm still pretty upset about what happened there. One thing is for sure: at the next birth, it's just me and my wife.

There's no way I could have lived with her for six additional weeks before they leave for Florida. I need my family to have some space to be a family! So I have 9 more days I have to put up with it. And on Wednesday it will be worse because my father-in-law will be flying in and staying for 5 days before the big move back. I may finish off what remains if the liquor from our wedding 2 1/2 years ago!